The people have spoken, and despite Lower The Rim’s best efforts to discuss the serious issues and the nitty-gritty, there’s but one subject that is the apple of our readers’ eye: HAIRLINES — heyoooo! Came across this video tonight and got a kick out of it. Not sure how the measurements were taken, but the results surprised even us here at the receding hairline capital of the internet–just check our scalp transplants. But first, we give you the EPIC journey of perhaps the most popular, most scrutinized, most used and abused of sports apparel. The king of cranial cover-up. The most whack of all wig wrap-arounds. Put your hands together and raise your freakin’ eye brows for the one and only, LEBRON’S HEADBAND, BABY! 2003-Present:
Let’s face it, neither player has ever made you feel warm and fuzzy inside, but Dwyane Wade has long hidden in the shadow cast by Lebron James‘ recent collosal unlikability, and it might be time now to hold Wade’s feet to the flame, because we at Lower The Rim have noticed the Heat veteran acting increasingly douchey over the past few seasons on a number of fronts:
– He’s made a habit of grinning smugly after missing big shots, and he’s missed quite a few this year. And when he does happen to do something good on the court–to marginal degrees–he can’t help but strike the above pose.
– He spends more time on the floor than on his feet, and if he’s not on the floor he’s screaming bloody murder at the rim.
– He routinely withholds praise from teams that have managed to challenge or beat the Heat.
– He doesn’t respect authority, or at least his coach, as we’ve recently seen–although we have to say that Spoelstra’s spinelessness contributed to that perception. If Deron Williams had ever tough talked Jerry Sloan like that, Sloan would have curb stomped him as part of the halftime show.
In short, Wade has become a camera loving flop artist who struggles to pay compliments to those who outplay him, and in the right situation might actually headbutt his comparatively tiny and reserved coach into a comatose state. Wouldn’t you agree? Vote below. And if you’re having trouble making your decision, use the compilation of punk plays beneath the poll as a guideline.
Lebron’s wig is all but toast. At one point you would have thought Lebron could make it through the season without shaving his head, but looking at recent images, and keeping a close eye on last night’s game, Lebron’s Hairline is in absolute peril. His headband has reached its threshold of highness, and can go no further. Unless he goes ahead with a Dennis Rodman scalp transplant, we may see the shaved head before the end of the month. Everyone synchronize your watches. The end of LBJ’s wig is upon us. We’re assuming he never would have thought he’d be bald before winning his first championship.
Can’t see Lebron being too happy about getting clowned on by Charles, much less Ernie. We’ll keep an eye out for some sort of response.
The heights of Lebron James‘ headband appear limitless. Just when you would think it couldn’t go any higher without falling off his head, it does, calling into question whether or not what he’s wearing is even a headband anymore. Will Lebron be donning an NBA bonnet by the end of the season? Things appear headed that way. Right now it resembles more of a yarmulke (yamaka) than anything that would be used to keep the sweat off his brow.
Looks like we’re going to have to cut LBJ a break, he actually said something genuinely self deprecating, and funny. Earlier today he tweeted on his account:
“Had a dream my hairline was back! Woke up and went to bathroom, turned on light slowly. Same ol story. Damn! Lol”
Quick Analysis: I don’t know why these athletes don’t realize that the average fan has a decent eye for what is genuine. We love Iverson because he says what he feels and he plays the same way. We love Barkley because he always tells the truth. Is it too much to ask for these guys to cut the cliches and say something original? I don’t think I’ve ever liked anything that has come out of Lebron’s mouth. But this, this is a start, and we at lowertherim vow not to repost the Lebron Receding Hairline Poll… ever… maybe.
If you haven’t noticed, The King’s hairline is running away from him. Here we document the beginning, middle, and end of one headband’s Excellent Adventure.