The people have spoken, and despite Lower The Rim’s best efforts to discuss the serious issues and the nitty-gritty, there’s but one subject that is the apple of our readers’ eye: HAIRLINES — heyoooo! Came across this video tonight and got a kick out of it. Not sure how the measurements were taken, but the results surprised even us here at the receding hairline capital of the internet–just check our scalp transplants. But first, we give you the EPIC journey of perhaps the most popular, most scrutinized, most used and abused of sports apparel. The king of cranial cover-up. The most whack of all wig wrap-arounds. Put your hands together and raise your freakin’ eye brows for the one and only, LEBRON’S HEADBAND, BABY! 2003-Present:
Word on the street–more like a shady back alley–is that Allen Iverson has been spotted in the Charlotte area, and according to at least one questionable and meandering blog post, this could mean Iverson and MJ have something in need of discussing. Could this be so?
FOR OPTIMISTS: Yes, this is definitely so. It makes perfect sense. If Iverson is to ever make his long awaited return, it will most certainly come by way of a bottom feeder, as it is clear no contending squad wants anything to do with him. Being that Charlotte is now president of the all-time suck club, it seems a nice landing spot for a guy who has come to terms with the fact that he likely won’t be playing heavy minutes for a contender at this point, and would like at the very least to quietly re-eneter the scene and catch a few GMs off guard. ALSO, those of us who love AI know all too well that Iverson and Jordan have a history. Iverson once punked His Airness twice in the one sequence. Iverson was also on the court during Jordan’s final game, and the two appeared to have fostered a mutual respect for one another. And to top it off, Iverson is a superstar “past his prime” who still thinks he can play. Jordan was once the very same, and it’s possible he empathizes with The Answer’s plight. AND AT THE VERY LEAST… what’s the worst that could happen? Honestly, the Bobcats are still anywhere from 5-50 years away from contending, meaning the only thing Bobcat brass can hope for is to fill the seats. Ipso facto, Iverson’s your guy. I honestly can’t think of any other player within the realm of attainability for a team like the Bobcats that would provide that kind of revenue boost just by showing up.
FOR SKEPTICS: In this day and age, most inquiry and preliminary correspondence takes place long distance. Reasonably speaking, the only point at which it would make sense for a team to literally bring in Iverson would be the point at which a workout is in order, or documents need signed. And if this were the case, we certainly would have heard all about it by now. Sorry everyone, it’s probably more likely that AI is visiting some new love interest for the weekend than it is he’s sitting down for a chat with the worst owner ever.
LOWER THE RIM‘S TAKE: Quite frankly, we’ve been thoroughly confused by our favorite player’s exile for some time now. There’s most certainly a place for Allen in the league, even if his skills are diminished. Think about all the older guards still hanging around. Are you going to tell us that Derek “I Used to Wear My Headband Like Earmuffs” Fisher is better than Allen Iverson? Is Chauncey Billups better? Jason “Punched My Wife in the Face Once” Kidd? God awful Mike Bibby? We’ll take AI at half speed over any of those guys. And if you’ve listened to him at all lately, clearly he’s been humbled by what he’s been through the last few years. He’s not Detroit AI. He’s not Memphis AI. He’s definitely a guy who’s willing to come in and be a spark off the bench. Look at the Miami Heat. They’re a little bit of bench production away from multiple championships. Are you going to tell us that a team like Miami wouldn’t benefit from having The Answer coming off the bench for 15 to 20 minutes a clip? And he’ll probably do it for next to nothing at this point! For a guy who puts butts in the seats the way he does, it’s almost a business no brainer. Bring in Allen Iverson. He’ll probably help your team, and even if he doesn’t, he’s likely to pad your team’s bankroll. With all that said, here’s a flashback–set to the appropriate music–to wet your appetite. We’re hip.
Rumor has it Agent Zero–we will refer to him as such from here on out–could be heading to the Lakers after being poorly treated and badly misused by Orlando, and my response to that is… Yes! Give this man another chance to prove that for the past three years he has had the potential to be a top 10 PG in this league. I don’t care what team he goes to, I just want to see him play and show what he really can do. And try this on for size: Agent Zero to World Peace!
I know what everyone must be thinking – “But he brought a gun into the locker room!” I’d like to form a team of all the so-called “baddies” in the NBA and watch as they annihilate any team they play. Gilbert Arenas brought weapons into the locker rooms? I want you on my team! DeMarcus Cousins allegedly sent inappropriate pictures? Great! Lace ’em up and bring your mad face. Michael Beasley and his bags of weed? Suit up my friend! Latrell Sprewell will coach, and that will be that. We’ll make the Jail Blazers look like the Portland Royal Dandies.
This team may not make it to game 2 without an instance of curb stomp or cannibalization, but they’d likely make the playoffs, because a player’s criminal record doesn’t really matter once the game has started. There are games to be won, people, and let us remind you that a three time NBA champion once had an affinity for kicking camera men in the crotch.
So Agent Zero – Lower The Rim would like you to know that you are always safe here with us, along with The Worm, Bill Laimbeer, and Rowdy Roddy Piper. And in celebration of your potential return we have posted a video of your demolition of Deron Williams and the Utah Jazz.
That’s word for what freakin’ ails ya.
With our favorite analyst and crew on hiatus with the NCAA, we turn back the clock to one of our favorite Barkley moments.
Gerald Green reminded us what a mind-melting dunk really looks like, as this windmill against the Rockets last night was hands down better than any dunk in the dunk contest this year. The best thing about this clip is watching the Rocket’s bench doing all they can not to erupt in applause. Chase Budinger is overcome by convulsions, and some guy at the end of the bench jumps out of his seat like he forgot what team he’s on. It’s in-game, off an alley-oop, and silky silky smooth. Can’t get much better than that. Once again, welcome back Gerald Green. We hope you’re here for good this time.
Tim Duncan has long been the gold standard for greatest power forwards that ever played. Granted, Karl Malone and Charles Barkley are often thrown around in that discussion. Karl Malone has Duncan on scoring. Barkley is right there on rebounding. But for the argument’s sake, let’s just say Tim Duncan is the greatest power forward of all time. Looking at these guys in their prime, Kevin Love might be well on his way to taking that distinction. We’ll say Tim Duncan’s prime scoring average is right around 22 or so. We’ll give him 11.5 rebounds, 3 assists, and 2 shot blocks a game. 22–11.5–3–2. Also he’s won multiple championships, but quite frankly we at Lower The Rim look down upon championships. Would those Spurs teams have beaten the 90’s Bulls teams? Highly doubtful, which is sad for a guy like Karl Malone, because he actually has better numbers than Duncan. At any rate, there you have it, the Greatest Power Forward Ever Bar stands at 22–11.5–3–2.
Bring in Kevin Love. As of right now his career scoring average stands at just 16.4, but keep in mind that in the first few years of his career Love played right around 25 minutes, whereas Duncan was hitting nearly 40. Also we have to factor in a period of time last year when Kurt Rambis had a brain aneurysm and decided that Kevin Love actually wasn’t very good. Worst coaching move ever, and probably played a big part in his eventual firing. So, 16.4 is where Love stands, but this season he’s averaging 25–a Karl Malone number–and tonight he scored 39, which he seems to be doing routinely of late. That said, if Love maintains this sort of scoring for the next 7-10 seasons, he might just finish out at 26 or 27 per game. Let’s give him 26. From there, his rebounding will probably be his claim for greatest of all time. He’s at 12 a game for his career, already better than Duncan, Malone, and Barkley, and if he continues at the 13-16 per game rate that he’s at, it’s probable he’ll finish right around 14 for his career, DEMOLISHING the 10 and 11ish that Duncan, Malone and Barkley sit at. His assists look like they’ll sit right around 2, and from there the one stat that might detract is blocks. He only blocks 1 shot every 2 games, and that’s likely not going to get any better with age.
So there you have it. If Love keeps up this pace, he’ll stand at 26–14–2–0.5. Unless you’ve got some sort of shot blocking fetish, those numbers blow Duncan out of the water. And yet sadly, as it has for Barkley and Malone, it may come down to championships. With the free agent climate the way it is in today’s game, to say that Love could win one or multiple rings with Minnesota is a pretty big stretch. BUT, with a Rubio/Williams/Love trio, it might be possible. Plus Minnesota’s got a GM who out of his mind enough to think that it is. All the best to Kevin Love. He’ll have our vote.
Sadly, we saw Rajon Rondo don the headband once again today. While the trend is going out of style to begin with, Rajon should have never worn one in the first place. Maybe it’s because his head is so skinny, or maybe it’s just the type of headband he wears. Either way, he looks like he has an actual rope tied around his head. We are saddened that his relapse came during one of the all time monster point guard triple doubles. But for as bad as Rondo looks with his head rope, we know good and well that someone wore it much worse. We’ve beefed on this before, but observe the below clip and pick out the guy that looks like an absolute idiot.