Let us not forget one of the greats, and Lower The Rim’s all time favorites: the Knick killer, the original three point assassin, and the only man who ever had the audacity to push off on Michael Jordan.
Rumor has it Agent Zero–we will refer to him as such from here on out–could be heading to the Lakers after being poorly treated and badly misused by Orlando, and my response to that is… Yes! Give this man another chance to prove that for the past three years he has had the potential to be a top 10 PG in this league. I don’t care what team he goes to, I just want to see him play and show what he really can do. And try this on for size: Agent Zero to World Peace!
I know what everyone must be thinking – “But he brought a gun into the locker room!” I’d like to form a team of all the so-called “baddies” in the NBA and watch as they annihilate any team they play. Gilbert Arenas brought weapons into the locker rooms? I want you on my team! DeMarcus Cousins allegedly sent inappropriate pictures? Great! Lace ’em up and bring your mad face. Michael Beasley and his bags of weed? Suit up my friend! Latrell Sprewell will coach, and that will be that. We’ll make the Jail Blazers look like the Portland Royal Dandies.
This team may not make it to game 2 without an instance of curb stomp or cannibalization, but they’d likely make the playoffs, because a player’s criminal record doesn’t really matter once the game has started. There are games to be won, people, and let us remind you that a three time NBA champion once had an affinity for kicking camera men in the crotch.
So Agent Zero – Lower The Rim would like you to know that you are always safe here with us, along with The Worm, Bill Laimbeer, and Rowdy Roddy Piper. And in celebration of your potential return we have posted a video of your demolition of Deron Williams and the Utah Jazz.
That’s word for what freakin’ ails ya.
ESPN’s Henry Abbott wasted 20 minutes of my day today, suggesting that the Lakers should bench Kobe Byrant. Of course this title was merely a hook, and the scrolling ramble-a-thon was really just a very long way of Abbott saying that Kobe needs to play five or so less minutes if the Lakers hope to win a championship. In the process, he delivered to us one of the more deft word sequences I have ever seen in sports analysis, as Henry responds to whether or not a player should play every minute of every game. Abbott ruminates:
“But does anybody think that would work? Only if you’re made of iron, and … you’re not. You need to factor in some rest.”
No Henry, nobody is made of iron. I think that is readily apparent to all of the five senses, and even the kid from The Sixth Sense might know that just by seeing dead people. But no, thank you Henry, for reminding me that nobody is immortal, nobody can fly, a hole cannot be dug by one person with one shovel to the center of the earth, and that the composition of my body is actually not 100% iron. How incredibly insightful of you.
As for limiting Kobe’s minutes… yeah, that seems pretty reasonable to me. But Abbott’s 5,000 word marathon–pun, as you will see–can be written in one sentence:
If a marathoner runs really fast at the beginning of a race, he will probably run less fast at the end.
…unless he’s made of iron.
Good grief. Round of applause for Henry Abbott’s groundbreaking work.
A LowerTheRim all time favorite Stephon Marbury is still doing his thing over in China, in case anyone needed an update. It would appear he’s made the orient his new home, as game by game players like he and Allen Iverson stand less of a chance of ever making it back. It is perhaps one of the great shames of the NBA, the way it selects certain players to vilify, and close its doors to, despite others with far worse track records. Whereas players like Stephen Jackson and Metta World Peace–who not too long ago were in the stands splitting fans’ wigs–are still making a decent living in the league, players like Marbury and Iverson remain pariahs forever and always, despite an MVP, despite the lasting contributions to the game, and despite–in Marbury’s case, world class philanthropy.
Let us not forget, that while most other players were donating mere “free throw-dependent” thousands during Hurricane Katrina, Marbury dumped an entire million on the cause, no strings attached. In 2007 he dropped 4 million on the city of New York: the police department, fire department, EMT, and Teacher’s Fund, respectively. In addition, he sells and wears his own $15 Starbury sneakers, affording young kids the chance to lace up with something that’s a brand name, and more than reasonably priced.
You’d think the NBA would leave its doors open to player like that, no matter the baggage. We wish him continued trash talking, and all the best.
DeMarcus Cousins made his shameful return to the Kings lineup tonight. Coming off the bench, he had the look of a child who’s just been let out of his room after tipping over all the furniture and crying himself unconscious. He shot badly, but did pick up some boards along the way. We’ll monitor the situation, but the body language still isn’t good. Epiphany or some level of catharsis doesn’t appear to be in this kid’s future any time soon.
On an even more sour note, LowerTheRim begrudgingly eats crow on this night, as Jimmer Fredette looked real good in losing to the Grizz. Yet true to our hatership, we will still note that although putting up points, he did little more than that. IE: it would appear that Jimmer is faster toward JJ Redick Land than super stardom.