You get the feeling that no matter what Doris Burke asked Rondo, this was going to be the answer…
Unfortunately Burke moved forward with the questioning without the presence of mind to follow up on the answer. Typical ESPN protocol: turn tail and run at the sight of anything remotely controversial.
Our favorite network got a little too familiar with the Linsanity last night as they quipped on Jeremy Lin’s “chink” in the armor. What a life these journalists live. Pretend tough-talkers on the tightest ship ever. It’s like Whale Wars meets Office Space. There’s no doubt this was a complete accident, but perhaps this will slow the Lin witticisms, which really are only mildly witty to begin with. Creating a nickname using a fraction of a players real name is quite possibly the lowest exercise of creativity a writer (journalist) can muster. What happened The Mail Man, The Round Mound of Rebound, The Logo, Magic, The Glove, The Ice Man, The Reign Man, and on and on? Now finally, ESPN goes with something without the use of Lin, and “chink” is all they can come up with? Leave the Linsanity alone, and give us our nicknames back. D-Will, D-Rose, T-Mac, CP3, D12, AK47: good grief we are lame lately.
ESPN’s Henry Abbott wasted 20 minutes of my day today, suggesting that the Lakers should bench Kobe Byrant. Of course this title was merely a hook, and the scrolling ramble-a-thon was really just a very long way of Abbott saying that Kobe needs to play five or so less minutes if the Lakers hope to win a championship. In the process, he delivered to us one of the more deft word sequences I have ever seen in sports analysis, as Henry responds to whether or not a player should play every minute of every game. Abbott ruminates:
“But does anybody think that would work? Only if you’re made of iron, and … you’re not. You need to factor in some rest.”
No Henry, nobody is made of iron. I think that is readily apparent to all of the five senses, and even the kid from The Sixth Sense might know that just by seeing dead people. But no, thank you Henry, for reminding me that nobody is immortal, nobody can fly, a hole cannot be dug by one person with one shovel to the center of the earth, and that the composition of my body is actually not 100% iron. How incredibly insightful of you.
As for limiting Kobe’s minutes… yeah, that seems pretty reasonable to me. But Abbott’s 5,000 word marathon–pun, as you will see–can be written in one sentence:
If a marathoner runs really fast at the beginning of a race, he will probably run less fast at the end.
…unless he’s made of iron.
Good grief. Round of applause for Henry Abbott’s groundbreaking work.